I try to find optimism inside my dark little insides.
“What? But Tara you’re so cheery.”
Cheery enough with Zoloft. But seriously, I do a lot of – man my kids make me crazy, what with the lack of sleeping and the general insanity, and yelling, and hitting and brothers fighting over the passenger cars in the train set and- yes, Keegan that hurts when you throw that wooden truck at Kai- BUT – oh aren’t they the sweetest, funniest, smartest things, you’ve ever met.
And I don’t know if I do it for those who are horrified that I don’t think mothering is the best thing I’ve ever done, or for myself – you know to make myself less horrified that mothering isn’t the best thing I ever done.
So in all things that I see the dark and stormy, I try hard to look for silver linings, you know so people don’t think I’m an angry, grouchy, little troll.
And I find a lot of joy in the world – you know, 33 miners survive 70 days in a mine shaft, and human brilliance saves the day – yah I was a little happy-gooey about that for a goodly part of the day. But then, then other stuff just hits from all over.
and it just makes me all want to do this-
It’s my new mantra – Kai almost knows all the words, to the chorus anyhoo. So we’re off to blow up the tv, and throw away the paper. We’ll head off to the country to build us a home. We’re going to plant a little garden, eat a lot of peaches, and try to find Jesus, on our own.