The Lil’ Hater

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I have a million things to write about, and it turns out, I haven’t written anything in a month.  I want to write about Pixar movies, and ghosts, about living wills, and how hard it is to work out on a regular basis.  I want to talk about surviving, and dealing with inattentiveness.  I want to talk about antidepressants, being happy about Cesarean sections, and the never-ending fight against safe and reliable reproductive choices in this country, but I’ve been silent for a month.  I want to call people back, write emails, send notes, I want to stay in touch, but now it’s been four months, and I figure folks think I’m rude anyway, now what?

Jay Smooth, pretty much my favorite media person ever, or at least favorite media person mostly found not on tv, posted a video about just this thing four years ago, and I just watched it five minutes ago.  Substitute “write a blog”  for “post a video”, and you have my dilemma.  And it made me laugh a little, bit because two days ago my brother told me “I don’t think you’re as bad off as you think you are.” So maybe it is just the lil’ hater telling me about how I’m not good enough, or capable enough – telling me I commit to too much, don’t get enough done, and leave too many loose ends untied.  Perhaps like the rest of the world I’m just doing the best I can.  Of course every time I think that, that the best I can, is all I can do, the lil’ hater echos back with – “your best just isn’t good enough”.

I don’t know how to conquer this lil’ hater – I just, as much as I can, silence the bastid.  How about you, are you winning? Me, I’m not sure I’m going to win any time soon, but today at least I’ll have it out with him.

2 responses »

  1. Pingback: Live Blogging my Mama Insanity « Happy Valley Mama

  2. Pingback: Just so you know « Happy Valley Mama

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