a completely random and assorted list of the crap I am thinking about right now

  • I am getting another tattoo.  Yes it has been 16 years since the last one. Yes, I might have to realize that I am no longer 19. But no, I don’t care.
  • I am completely annoyed by the ADHD drug shortage. Why? Because I need those drugs, thank you very much. And– how wrong is it that those are the drugs that are so hard to get.  I must go to my doc and pick up a signed script, which I had to call for 48 hours in advance, and then bring it to the pharmacy.  If they don’t have my dose – but perhaps another does that they could work out the combo for (I get a total of 30mg a day/ 30 days so theoretically, they could give me that in 5mg or 15mg tabs instead of 10mg tabs) they can’t give me that dose until my doc writes another script, and I go back to that office, pick it up, and hope they haven’t run out of that dose by time I get back.  Or I can – like this weekend, stop in to every pharmacy along the way – feeling the whole time, a smidge like a drug addict, being asked to show my id, my shoe size and any distinguishing marks- and then see if they have my dose.  Wouldn’t you know WalMart was the only place stocked with it? I know it runs counter-intuitive to my shopping politics – but I’m sorry, this is crap.  Did you catch the part where this is my ADHD med.  Come on, I can barely focus on the sentence I’m trying to finish – never mind a task of this magnitude.
  • There is actually an acting bug.  I have actually caught it.  I’m not sure if it is contagious, but it will cause one to fall in love with tutus and voice warm-ups.
  • Many might find it a completely bizarre way to deal with one’s grief – but me I’m completely content knowing my Pops is controlling the sports world — and the best part – he does it with endings so ugly – everyone has to have a heart attack first – and he – he gets to chuckle away to himself on some chair constructed of star stuff, pulled up close to a tv that never looses its signal.  Also, one should note here, that if he is pulling off mammoth feats of Super Bowls, this little miracle I need in May, shouldn’t be a problem at all.
  • I have, hands down, the best friends on the planet.  I have coworkers who cover for me, and let me vent, or sob in their office, be it ten am or long past the final bell.  I have mama friends who are just like me, cut from the same cloth, who know my heart sometimes better than I know it myself.  I also have mama friends who know that, a play-date isn’t a play date, until there is a cocktail planted firmly in hand.  I have old friends who swear to me, that they will love me, no matter what happens.  And while sitting fast under the term family, and perhaps not friends— I have a brother and mother who, while I tend to be the biggest shit in their lives, unconditionally love me to no end.  When at the end of the day, I make my lists of blessings, all of these people often occupy the top spots.
  • Back to Pops.  It’s been a year this weekend since we got to have a real conversation, and share a meal together. A year since I saw him take a breath on his own, a year since there weren’t tubes lined up in every vein. I keep waiting for every first milestone to slip by, and yet, they hit me like stones, deep welts and hard bruises left behind.  I found out from a newish friend that he had lost his mom just five years back, under a similar veil of a quick, devastating illness and life support decisions – and I asked, “does it get better?”   And- I waited for him to shake his head yes.  But no was the nod instead.
    “No,” he said. “It just gets different.”

4 responses »

  1. Once you start acting, it’s hard to stop. That’s what some people don’t get about people who want to be actors when they “grow up.”

  2. ADHD drug shortage? AGH that is horrid! If they start having a shortage of anti-anxiety meds…. I will be that person going from store to store…cringing at having to talk to someone…

  3. Pingback: High Fidelity « Happy Valley Mama

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