I’ll make a list


I will dig my way out of this gray.  This semi-comatose feeling, this get under the covers and hope the night is long wish – I will count my blessings.

I will list off the people who care, and love, who make cookies for me, or accept my baked goods. I will list off the students who pay attention, and listen, who read, and ask questions, I will even mention the ones who just pretend, in order to coax a smile from my the corner of my face. I will think about how high school basketball games represent all that is good and right with teamwork, and sportsmanship, and fandom.

I will revel in the fact that I have enough attention lately to consume books in great big chunks. And poetry, nearly absorbing it through my fingertips, the rate I read. And bless the music that I play over and over again, haunting little melodies that say all the sentences I wish I had finished out-loud.

I will thank the coffee bean for what can be derived inside. sweet brew of waking warmth. And the snow that covered everything the last two nights a quiet buffer between the harried noises of the world.  Settling everything down before spring comes raining in.

And there is the heart of mine that aches – no matter what I throw on it to end the pain. I thank the world for this too.  Heart that feels too much, takes too much in, beating flesh that loves so fiercely and breaks so easily – must remember to count that off too. Beat by beat,  breath by breath,  the sanguine life it pumps through me – delivering all I need to get out from under the gray, and the covers, and the long dark nights.

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