Tag Archives: adhd

30×30-Day Four-Sometimes You Have to Walk Away

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I can hear you both,
when you talk about my son.
Eyes lowered, whispering under your breath.
You don’t think I know the context of the conversation?
How does she do it?
She doesn’t do enough.
I would do it different.
I wouldn’t let him get away with that.
Thank goodness he isn’t mine.

I only hope his hearing isn’t
as good as his mother’s.
How do I love such a creature as him?
You mean the most witty six-year-old you have ever met?
The one with the vocabulary that rivals my own,
I do it by asking him to tell me a story.
When he finishes he jumps up, grabs on to me
as if a Koala, tells this mama he loves her so.

I don’t do enough – you say this
because you have seen
just five minutes of us.
You are not there, as I scoop him off the floor
after the fifth tantrum of the day-
The one where at just six years old
he shouted,
“I hate my life,
you can’t control me”.
You are not there as I pull him into my arms
hold the boy still,
calm the nerves,
of the one who never grows that fast,
so that at six he still fits in my lap
assure him,
that his life isn’t so bad.

You would do it different?
Really, tell me how? Yell at him in public,
beat him till he was blue,
be less stern with him,
negotiate longer,
medicate him less,
or more?
Would you schedule more meetings with his teacher,
set up more med checks with his pediatrician,
would you change the whole diet of this family,
lock him in his room till he was eighteen?
Quit your job, school him at home?
Please tell me – what-
would you do?

Let him get away with what?
Having feelings,
noticing every last thing in the world,
stopping for every flower that looks different?
Punish him for his frustration,
tell him to bottle it away?
His energy, you would contain it?
His synapses-You would stop them for firing how?
Would you punish his frontal lobe cortex?
Tell it next time, it better shape up?

Thank goodness he isn’t yours?
Well yes,
Thank goodness he isn’t yours.
They say you get the children
you are supposed to,
and he was supposed to be mine.
As if you would even know
where to begin,
with someone as special as him.
But this time,
this time,
I am just going to have to walk away.

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High Fidelity

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Dear readers,
I love lists, but if you’ve spent even a little bit of time here — you know this. This time of year though – well the whole damn world likes to make lists.  Lists of the things they should do, lists of the things they’ve done – lists of things they should have done. Or maybe they are making lists of books they would like to read, places they would like to go, bands they need to check out, restaurants they would like to eat at.  And really, when I say the whole damn world, I actually mean me.

In High Fidelity, the book then movie about a record store clerk,  played on the screen by my favorite awkward protagonist, John Cusack, the main character makes lists throughout – about everything – and I love it so,  I do. I mean, I would anyway, it’s by Nick Hornby — and music, and the awkwardness of love unrequited, or ill-timed- And I’m not sure really, why any of this is important, except – if you haven’t read the book, or seen the movie, and you like such things– put it on your to-do list.

And I guess, speaking of top-fives, I got my year-end blog report — and it turns out, I’ve been writing.  I mean not as much as I wrote in 2010, but certainly more than I wrote in 2011 – and in related news, you all have been reading – these days there are even some of you, I have never met, who have no personal obligation to read my work- just turns out you like what I have to say.

And okay, before I give you a Sally Fields’esque speech about how you really, really, like me– maybe I will just give you a top five list of this year’s most popular posts.

5.  I spent the better part of October 14th watching Felix Baumgartner ascend to the stratosphere  and jump out of  his capsule. It was one of the coolest things I have ever watched live- and while America wasn’t huddled around their collective tv’s – a record number of us, 8 million in fact, were all watching live, from places around the globe on YouTube.  Say what you will about our collective consciousness being dumbed down in this Google era – that day, 8 million screens were focused on a guy doing something, just because he wanted to go further, higher, and faster.  And that day, we all wanted to watch him succeed.  It’s those kinds of human moments that Make me want to write poems – A Man Jumped Out of the Sky Today.

4.  While I may have written a little less about Kai and Keegan that I have in the past – I feel like I did write a whole lot about parenting this year. Going to be honest, I am, and always have been, a  bit snarky, and a bit hard-edged when it comes to the myth of the good mommy. I’m not sure who created, I think Pinterest is probably perpetuating it – and certainly, I would like to quash it – and not it ever-ever let another mother feel like she isn’t good enough – with that all said I wrote this – Give me my ‘A’ in Scarlet – and you liked the hell out of it.

3. I’m not sure why this one got so much of your reading – but it did – I wondering if it because I was talking about drugs.  That is ADHD drugs – and my dealing with the shortage of last winter.  I tend to use this place to just say all the crap I’m thinking in some kind of reasonable order — maybe you like that about me.  A completely random and assorted list of the crap I am thinking about right now.

2. and 1.  You like me – I imagine had your heart-broken two weeks ago by the events in Sandy Hook. And I imagine like me, you were just trying to make sense out of it. I assure you, there is no sense to be made. There is no reason- there will be no logic to be uncovered.  But when I wanted to write heavy-hearted lines, you grieved a long with me –  and perhaps like me you prefer to channel that grief in to anger  – and so you did- so many of you- while I got really, really, angry and I again – interrupt your regularly scheduled good-will, with Moral Fucking Outrage

May I end though, on the last day of this year,  just thanking you, for reading. That you read what I write, will always mean more than you can possibly  know.

May your new year, bring you all that you want and need –
with much love,
Tara

On doing things

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I do things — I mean — you do things too – We all do things –

Today I made ginger syrup and lemon syrup, so I can flavor the soda water I make with my Soda Stream.  And I went to a birthday party, and I kept the kids sane, and I thought about the present I needed to finish making for the kiddo whose birthday party it was. Read the rest of this entry

All the things I am in love with right now.

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Don’t everyone freak-out at once. But, I am going to be super cheery right now.

No. No.  You haven’t clicked on the wrong blog. And don’t worry, it’s okay I’m sure I’ll be mad at the world, or the media, or the political sphere – anytime now —

But for this minute . . . Things I’m loving .  . .

Afternoons with Keegan. Keegan and I have barely had anytime together on our own. Read the rest of this entry

a completely random and assorted list of the crap I am thinking about right now

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  • I am getting another tattoo.  Yes it has been 16 years since the last one. Yes, I might have to realize that I am no longer 19. But no, I don’t care.