grey. a bit of snow, a bit of sun. temperature at 11:18pm, 33°
Expectations are just resentments under construction. – Anne Lamont
Mix in expectations with a toddler who never stops, and an infant who doesn’t sleep – liberally sprinkle in a pre-existing anxiety problem and bam – a sweet case of postpartum depression.
I’ve said that d-word just five or six times now. And the thing is, I talk a lot, (here, many of you who know me, smile, nod your head, and think I’m understating it). But as a friend pointed out the other night, I’ve kept this one pretty close to my chest.
I probably wouldn’t be saying it here and now, if it weren’t for my mug being all over the local news tonight. Keegan and I were on all but one of the local networks at a press conference for MotherWoman.
MotherWoman is an incredible organization here in the Valley doing good work for women in the postpartum period and beyond. Right now they’re working on advocating for a piece of legislation that would provide for screening for all pregnant and new mamas.
So – today I was brave, and after my group, I stayed around in solidarity with the women telling their stories to the press.
After today, I probably won’t want to talk about this again. But now, I’ll tell you, I wish there was a place outside of my group, where women could talk about what motherhood really looks like without being concerned with the judgments of others. But the reality is –there’s a heavy burden to abide by the myth of the good mother, and when we deviate from that myth, judgement is passed readily and quickly – I know, because I’ve been ever so guilty of passing it.
And oh the stigma, real or imagined, to admit that in mothering, you’ve been deficient. That stigma is what keeps me from speaking out-loud – except for this moment –
Tomorrow, MotherWoman travels to Boston to further support the legislation. I send with them brave thoughts and loud voices, and hope- so that the next mama sitting where I am, won’t ever feel judged, or any less than she is.