It wasn’t the almost-midnight, almost-falling-over laughing with new co-workers on a school night, and it wasn’t the compliments from parents at open house – It wasn’t the students being silly about my new haircut either, or my mock trial team members coming to my room every day in anticipation of our first meeting for new teammates.
It didn’t last long. It took just three words, a half a smile, and a glance to the back of the car. I’ve mentioned this before here — that one of the things that I measure my parenting by –is the love my sons have of music. So when a new favorite song of mine came on the radio, a song the energetic one asks me to turn-up every time it’s on – I turned it up before he had a chance to say anything. And in my quick glance back to see what new dance moves he was working out, he pointed at me with grin that belonged only on the Cheshire Cat, and said, “you read my mind”.
Oh sweet five-year-old, I’m not sure how much longer I will be able to do such things, to read your mind, to know what you need. But right now, right now, that I can just know your favorite song, that is enough to make me bathe in the light of the moment for the rest of the week.
I have this draft saved. With nothing in it but a blank text box, and the title as above, Ugh. It’s dated August 2nd of this year. If asked by the DA, “Ms. Bernier, do you recall the events of August the 2nd of 2011?” I would have to answer,
“No. No, I do not.” And the DA would be all,
“Should I refresh your memory?” And I would be all,
And then I would be shown an affidavit, as if all of life was just a grown up version of mock trial. “Oh yes”, I would reply. “Yes. That is the day that I stepped in gum- couldn’t find my meds- had to take a cold shower- was disenchanted by the news of the day- and couldn’t get to sleep. That is why I needed a blog post titled, Ugh. Oh yes, it’s all coming back to me now.
Where’s that handy Law & Order chime when you need it?
I’ve been awkward my whole life. I talk too loud and too much. I laugh when I’m nervous, and sob when I’m frustrated and angry. I’m a geek from way back. I was in mock trial in high school, and, and – well that says enough really.
For a long time I tried to cover up that awkwardness, smooth it over and be something I really wasn’t. Thing is, I never really succeeded in that, there was always a bookish loudmouth just dying to escape.
This is all just a really long way of saying how much I adore, adore – freakin’ straight up LOVE – the TV show Glee! Because, for an hour, I can revel in the awkwardness — and then I can get all choked up when the warm teacher type, gets all welled up because his students have ade him proud. Certainly many of us awkward types become teachers, if only to give those kindred kids a place to be themselves, to spread their geeks wings, and grow.